I think what I've been talking about a lot in the past few
weeks is my anger issues. I explore why I'm angry, and it really is quite a
process if you break down your anger and you look at it from the past, present,
and future sense. Once you do that, it will blow your mind when you think about
everything.
I'm angry about my past because I felt that I had parents
that weren't as supportive as they could be to me. I had dreams, I had
aspirations. There are things I wanted to do when I received zero support from
my parents. I'm angry because although I was able to accomplish some of these
dreams and do things right, they all came a little bit later in my life, when I
couldn't really hone my craft and I had to make choices about what had to be
important in my life. I wish that I started younger. I wish that I knew very
early on in life what I wanted to do, but instead, I got myself caught up with
the wrong people and the wrong actions. I'm angry because of the way I treated
people that were special to me, because I was holding so much anger and I
unleashed it on the wrong people.
I'm angry about my present because I look at the world today
and I see how hard it is to survive. Everything just keeps going up.
Politicians get us in a stupid war. Some politicians pretend to be something
they're not, and a bunch of people buy into this shit. And I don't really have
a say in the matter, despite the fact that people tell me if I vote that can
change everything, but the truth is it never really does. We are kind of stuck
in this holding pattern in life, where people that come from certain places
have certain things. Not everyone can get everything. People can work their ass
off trying, though, and eventually they might hit it, but man, it's fucking
exhausting.
And I'm angry about the future because I think about my
children and what they might have to endure as we go on. I think about that
we've taken steps backwards in our lives when we really should be moving
forward. All of this makes me feel uneasy.
But the beautiful thing about anger is it doesn't have to be
persistent. It doesn't have to be there all the time. It can be there as a
release. It can be there as a feeling, and if you learn a way to control your
anger where you can start taking action about certain things, then it's
beautiful. It's very much like making a campfire, but if you let your anger get
the best of you, then it can burn down the entire forest. And that's the
important thing to know about this.
My anger has gotten me in so much trouble over the years,
but when I get really motivated, when I really want to do something, whether
that is go to the gym, create the show, write my feelings, whatever it might
be, my anger fuels that, and my anger helps it to get the message across
clearly. And then I need to look for stillness and look for peace.
So don't be ashamed of your anger. I have been ashamed of my
anger for a while, but I'm starting to believe that maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe
I should just accept it and just try to remember the damage that it can do, but
the beauty it can bring if used correctly.
NMF
M
