One thing we eventually learn is just how hard it is to be
alone. It’s a battle shaped by a thousand different factors, and for me, it’s a
mix of loneliness, deep-seated insecurities, and a constant rotation of tough
love and self-care.
People love to say you come into this world alone and you
leave it alone. That might be true on paper, but the reality is that when
you’re born, you’re usually in the arms of a loving mother. You might spend
time in the womb alone, but you don’t remember that. What you do remember—even
if it’s just a ghost of a feeling—is being safe. Being nurtured.
I think we struggle with being alone because there is just
so much to say. Our minds are crowded with thoughts and ideas that feel like
they have to get out. I’ve always loved communicating. I’ve always wanted to do
radio. That’s exactly why I started this show—to get the "shit" out.
But loneliness isn’t just about being physically by
yourself. Sometimes, our belief systems make us alone. When you march to a
different beat or hold ideas that don’t follow the norm, the world tends to
treat you like a weirdo. I’ve dealt with that my whole life. On one hand, I was
the "weird guy"; on the other, people would bring me around just for
their own personal amusement. That was my childhood in a nutshell.
I became the class clown because I wanted to stand out. I
wanted to make people laugh. I don’t think stand-up is my jam, but I know I
have a quirky, weird way of communicating. If you listen to the show, you get
it. But the flip side is that I can also be mean, angry, and isolated.
Sometimes I feel so "heavy" that I feel guilty even being around
people, so I pull away.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized the only company I want
to keep is the kind that makes me feel safe and backed up. I want to know I’m
not going to become the topic of someone’s water cooler gossip the second I
walk away. Maybe it’s just in my head, but when you see how people talk about
others, you can’t help but wonder what they’re saying about you.
Sometimes, it’s just better to be alone. Less drama. Less
stress. I’ve really leaned back into my love of pro wrestling lately because
it’s a place where I can escape the stress and just breathe.
We’re all just trying to figure this out, whether we’re
alone or not. If you’re alone and happy, celebrate that. If you’re struggling,
just know your people are out there. You’ll find them eventually.
Until then, know that I’m always rooting for you.
NMF
M
