Thursday night I decided to take a one day trip to Vegas not
to gamble although I did that not to go dine at exquisite restaurants, or go to
the exciting shows but for one reason one reason alone
If you are not familiar with EDM producer Illenium I think
you should familiarize yourself with his work During some self-inflicted pain,
I put myself through in 2024. It was his album Fallen Embers that helped me get
through it. The songs that he wrote had a lot to do with struggle
emotions, growing, and so much that the album really spoke to me I
remember listening to him and his music on BPM and SiriusXM radio and I liked
it, but it was a lot of collaboration stuff and they were good songs, but they
didn’t speak to me and they didn’t go to the debt that Embers did. Once I
started digging into the rest of his catalog and listening to his music, I felt
myself go through so many emotions I found myself crying. I found myself
feeling exhilarated. I found myself trying to heal, trying to grow, trying to
get angry, and if you listen to enough of breathe n bounce, you will hear a lot
of of his music.
As usual, the ADHD got in the way, and the reason I went to
Vegas was to see Illenium residency at the Mammoth technical thing of beauty
known as a spear in the middle of the Las Vegas strip. Just entering the
facility when my wife and I went to Vegas a couple weeks ago and seeing the
Wizard of Oz and discovering that Illenium was going to be doing a production
based on his new album Odyssey that just came out at the beginning of November,
I knew someway somehow, I had to go
However, it looked like the odds were stacked against me as
flights going to Vegas was super expensive I then turned my attention to
the final three performances go on the Thursday night, and I noticed that the
flight prices went down, but the concert ticket prices went up I said to
myself that I didn’t think I was going to be able to go until I was given a
coupon that allowed me to get flight and hotel for just over $350 It was
at treasure Island, which is directly across the street from the Venetian,
which houses the tunnel that gets you to the Sphere
Walking in the hallway, you saw the phoenixes positioned
throughout the lobby along with different
shades of orange on the escalators, and I went up the escalator and took my
seat with so many people who just were really excited and happy to be there. Everyone
was really happy. It was a very great atmosphere as Slander, a couple of guys
from California opened up the show. You will probably hear some of their
music now on the show because they really were good
But then the main attraction came, and it was very emotional
hearing the most recognizable single from this album in your arms, and from
there, it became a blitz Creek of sound visuals Pyro the crowd singing, along
with many of his tracks and the story that was unfolding on the main gigantic
screen of the sphere while the sound system was so heavy. I felt like the base
went through my nose and convulsed through my body.
However, the theme of the night was just pure unadulterated
joy. I could see how his music has affected so many people Seeing so many
people wearing his trademark baseball jerseys with the three on the back This
wasn’t just a concert. It was an experience. It was an evolution So many
songs in his library were played. A lot of them from the new album but many
tracks from his previous four outings Hearing feel something live and
singing, along with the crowd was just amazing I found myself tearing up
at certain points of the show, thinking about my struggles and thinking about
how far I have come in the last few years and then taking a look at the back
slides that have happened to me in the last week or so
I could sit here and lie to you and tell you everything in
my life is perfect and I’m just here doing my show telling everyone this so
that and I’ve always said that I am not a guru psychiatrist counselor
therapist. I’m just a dude who has been through a lot of shit and a lot of that
shit was self-induced. And as I’m trying to find my way to be in the
person that I was made to be, Illenium’s music helps guide me on that quest.
This week I found myself slipping back into old toxic patterns A little bit of self-harm
And refusing to leave my place. I barely worked out. I blew off my
therapy. It was a very bad week.
Going to that show last night was all the medication that I
needed as I’ve decided to stop taking my Wellbutrin. I’ve also decided to
make a commitment to fix in my mental health and my physical health very
similar to the commitment I made to myself back in 2023 However, this
time it’s not going to take me creating a show or teaching yoga or all the
other window dressing that I did before
This time it’s just me working on it and if I need support,
I will find the support that I need I really get bummed out that this show does
not reach as many people as I would like. In fact, it barely reaches anyone at
all. But I am confident that one day someone’s going to find the show and
it’s going to help them. It’s going to motivate them and it’s going to make
them want to change and once they do that they’re going to want to pass it on
to the next person, letting in the world know that it’s OK to speak about your
mental health lend the world know it’s OK to speak about your demons whether
they be addiction hurt hurting other others or suicide attempts or whatever you
need We all have the strength to get through it
It was that show last night that reminded me who the fuck I
want to be who the fuck I need to be and how the fuck I’m gonna get there
I just wanna say thank you to Illenium. No matter whether
you know it or not, you have played a significant role in my growth and I will
keep staying on my Odyssey of doing the best I can every day
Lots of love Here’s to me, continually looking to find my
heavenly side.
NMF
M
